As the days melt away since my Father's death, I am left with a hurricane of debris. The debris of uncontrollable emotions, numerous questions, and no answers surrounding me. They lay like dead leaves in the middle of fall, as this vicious storm has taken a piece of my soul as it has fled. For their was no warning, no good-byes, not even an echo that could reply, just silence in its most inhumane form, the kind of quietness that only a lonely tree in the Forrest could see. I cry at least once a day, without control or restraint, it could be from seeing a deer or hearing Bob Seger and the Silver Bullets on the radio. It could be from me thinking about having kids, and knowing that he'll never get to see their faces light up like mine during Christmas time. Or the fact that he was my Dad and we can never have a beer again, fish again, or just watch a game of baseball as we talked about life.
The severity of my emotions lie in the face that me and my father's relationship was rocky, I was as stubborn as they come probably from a DNA line of a donkey-mull breed, and He mostly the same with rage that could explode like Mt. St. Helens. We faught constantly throughout my teenage/adolescence years with things a man at that age should never have to deal with. I'll leave those details out for the fact that family is family and I'll love the man that gave me life till I die. He was human but to a son, a dad isn't Human, he is his maker, his creator, and the man he wants to be!
I feel like a the tree in the picture, black and cold. Bent by the unmerciful winds of wickedness and despair, only reaching up for light, but I fear there is none there.......
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